I wish covergirl would stop having her in thier commericals. Any items that she sponsors i will have no part of. There are several woman who feel the same.

At least Rihanna is realizing that she is a role model for other young people, obviously due to the comments I have read here. Someone can have great music, and still be in sick relationships, and have serious problems.

Even the King of Rock and Roll had serious personal problems. It did not make him any less talented.

I was in my 30’s before I obtained the help I needed. I was in an abusive behavior. It did not start that way. He treated me like a queen at first. Slowly things changed. Eventually, all my friends fell by the way side, so I held on to him. I did not know it, but when I was not with him, he would hit my youngest son. He did not tell me because he thought I was happy (I guess because I stayed with him).

After awhile I suffered from severe headaches that made it impossible for me to think to work. I ended up in the hospital. It was decided that I was depressed. I was given a great counselor. My children told him that my youngest son was being hit. They told their father, and made him promise not to tell me.

I almost lost custody of my children. I knew that I had to get away from him, so I paid for him an apartment. He came to my house one day when I was not there, and he spanked my son. My son moved, and he left a whelp on his leg. When I found out, I went to him. I told him that if he ever touched my child again, I would make him regret it.

The DHS became involved. When I told her what happened, and what I did they did nothing to me. I continued to see him for another year after that. I never understood women that stayed with men like that.

I grew up in a home where unacceptable behavior was acceptable. I learned poor coping skills that worked in that situation, but sucked for adult life. When my father drank, my mother taught me he was ill. He was a wonderful man when he was sober, but when he drank he was not a nice person. He was a binger, so I was able to love my sober father, and realize that he was ill when he was drunk. My mother never allowed hitting of us, but bad things were said at times, abusive language.

My mother loved him dearly when he was sober, but not drunk. He was sober for 7 years at one time, and it was bliss for her; as well as, all of his children. He was an amazing man, as was my mother. But, what I learned in that home was not healthy.

The man that abused me, and my son, was an alcoholic as well. We tend to go toward the type of man our father was unless we get help.

The man quit drinking, and after he was out of my house I continued to see him. I saw him without my children around. He still was abusive. He dissociated, just as you described Chris. He was not himself. At times I would wake up to him hitting me, he would run off; and then later come back as if nothing happened.

The counselor that I saw encouraged me to get help through Alanon Family Groups. I went, and eventually went to a facility that helps family members of alcoholics. Alcoholism and abuse are a family disease. The cycle has to be broken to get better. New, healthier coping skills need to be learned, or the craziness continues.

Changing is not easy. When he became sober, I thought my prince would return. That was not the case. He was sick in other ways. I loved him, but to love him was unhealthy for him and my boys. Eventually, I was able to shake him. I had to realize that I am worthy of much more.

He was my best friend as well, but only on his terms. His terms involved unacceptable behavior. I learned in that facility that unacceptable behavior is always unacceptable. I also had to learn how to love myself enough to get away from him. He had me convinced somehow that he was my last hope for a relationship. What crap.

A year after I finally was able to get away from him I was still recovering the pain that relationship brought me. I did a lot of work through Alanon Family Groups to get past that pain. I did not wish bad things for him, but I also knew I could never be with him again.

When I found out he had hurt my child, I was heartbroken. I taught my children some things that were unhealthy staying with someone who hurt me when I did not know he had hurt my child. Even if a man does not hurt the children, the children hurt because they don’t like witnessing their mother being hurt.

Even when I continued to see him after he became sober without my children around, it was not healthy for them to know this. We have to break the cycle.

You lived with abuse in your family and he did as well. You accepted unacceptable behavior because that is what you learned as a child. You may not go back with him, but you will gravitate toward the same type of man unless you get help. Studies show evidence of this. He may not be an alcoholic, but he has a problem anyway.

When the man I was with quit drinking he still hit. After he did not have me and my son to hit, he hit his daughter. There is never a good reason for violence in relationships. Abuse is abuse. It is a family disease, just like alcoholism; and until you change your coping skills you will either go back with him, or you will end up with someone else with these types if problems. Even if you were not letting go of the argument does not mean that you asked for it. There is never a good reason to hit a woman.

I always wondered why women stayed in these types of relationships until it happened to me. Sometimes they stay because they are afraid to leave. I stayed because I had no one else, or I thought I did not. All of my friends disappeared because they could not stand watching it. Who could blame them.

I think I was waiting for my prince to return. I thought without alcohol, it would end; but I was very wrong. A friend told me, “He is a very sick man, it is not just alcohol.”

I knew he had come from an abusive home, and I made excuses for him as a result. This is not a good excuse for unacceptable behavior. I learned that unacceptable behavior is always unacceptable.

I fought back when it happened when I was awake. This was a wrong message as well. Yes fighting back is good to some extent. We should protect ourselves, but the ultimate way to protect ourselves is by not staying, and getting help to break the chain of the family diseases. There is an answer, and not getting help is not the answer. You learned poor coping skills as well, and until you get help it will happened again, with him or someone else. It does not just magically disappear.

I have siblings that think they have no problems from how we grew up. My earliest memories in life are fear and confusion. This is not good. A child of 4 or 5 years old should not know this type of fear. I am sure you experienced it as well.

Learning new coping skills helps us learn how to take care of ourselves, love ourselves enough to learn to forgive, but still take care of ourselves.

A woman told me, “Once, twice shame on you, thrice shame on me. Just because I forgive someone does not mean that I have to allow them to do it to me again.”

Like you, I wish good things for him, but I wish it for him away from me. In fact, he asked me to forgive him. I did, but that did not mean that I should spend time with him. I loved him very much. I loved the man he was when I met him, but not the man he became. I pray that he has found peace. From what I understand, he married twice since I was with him.

As a result of learning new coping skills, I was able to realize that I will always be attracted to alcoholics. I am married to one now. He does not abuse me, and has been sober for 20 years. He still is a very active member in Alcoholics Anonymous. He says someone was there for him when he needed help, and he is going to be there for those who need help.

In Alanon Family Groups we use the AA book as well. Where it says alcohol, we replace it with “people, places, and situations.” The book gives us a healthy outline for life.

Only about 30-40% of alcoholics/alanons are able to work this simple program because it is hard to look at oneself. My husband works hard at it, just as I do. We are not joined at the hip, we have our own lives. We are much like toddlers at parallel play. We each have a toy (our things in life that define us, and many people make the mistake of giving up out of the name of love/changing to make them happy. This is what made them attracted to us to begin with), we play with our toy side by side. Sometimes we play with our toys together, and sometimes we even trade toys.

After finding a God of my own understanding that loves me has been lifesaving. I went to church all my life, and I had a distorted belief of who God is. Today I know he loves me, and I am worthy. I did not know this before. Today, God is everything good I am capable of being. I don’t have to be perfect to be worthy. I can strive for perfection, but it is unattainable. It is the human condition.

You can heal from this, but it is not easy to look at oneself, and be willing to change. To be open to become a whole person without someone else. A relationship that makes me complete, means that I was lacking; and is probably doomed.

I wish you the best, as I do Chris. However, I would not take him back unless he receives help, and I suggest you receive it as well. Our family of origin can make a difference whether we make healthy choices and life; and examining this is sooo worthwhile. I knew very little joy in life before I learned to become the person I can love, which means I love myself enough not to accept unacceptable behavior in my life. I pray that you get help, and Chris does as well. Godspeed

her fans want to know her emotions.
yals her trina juge ehra nd what not but i don’t see anyone telling chriss anything about the incident so y should she keep iquiet.
if rihanna should keep it private so should chris.